I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
