I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
