ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
