He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
