high people should be assigned attendants
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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