i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
