As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
