and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
