the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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