hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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