yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
