When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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