i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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