I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
