from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
