i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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