she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
