this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
