put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
