then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If that was your dad, he is hot
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
