I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
