just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
