Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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