I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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