His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
