ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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