Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
