So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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