fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
