..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
