She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
