ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
