I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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