i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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