I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
