Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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