she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
