I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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