Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
