i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Boobs are out for the taking
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
