You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
