dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I want a musical about memes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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