Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
