benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
