I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
