I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
