Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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