the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
