So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
