Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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